Sometime back I happened to read a blog through Deepak titled “Sharmila Mary Joseph cried, Don’t Cry!”
Sharmila Mary Joseph was a highly respected senior student from our school days; an outstanding student who used to top every exam that she wrote and a formidable presence at inter institutional competitions where intelligence mattered. But I doubt whether it was an intelligent move on her part to opt for Indian 'Administrator’s' Service; a legacy of the Raj that we had failed to get rid off. Any way, I’m not the one to pass comment on such complex questions. What bothered me was the author’s sarcastic symbolism about her tears in public. Well…..women had cried throughout mankind’s history…..often using those tears as powerful weapons……to look at those tears and think that it’s a sign of weakness…well, better learn it from experience, I’m not an expert on women and their ways and that, in any case, wasn’t the reason for my uneasiness too. What ruffled me was the apparent suggestion that the real men don’t cry!
Since then I was thinking of posting something on it …. But I was on two minds about writing on the topic……I lacked the guts to post, to tell the truth! Then one day this past week I saw the movie ‘AKG’ in the company of Amma and Deepak himself and then ……and then I fell ill……
As I was bed ridden, the thought reemerged from the back burner……do real men cry? Are the tears a sign of weakness? Some images from the past flashed across my mind……the tears of the victor and smile of the vanquished after a bitterly fought election to the school parliament in one of Kerala’s most politically conscious and potentially violent school campuses…..the final speech of the comrade, laced with tears on a cloudy evening inside the indoor stadium of one of the state’s most prestigious professional colleges ……the colleague who was left sobbing alone in the face of a most vicious and fanatical onslaught, by a group of pseudo-Marxists with foolish expressions on their faces……
A. K. Gopalan was one of the earliest heroes introduced to me by my parents. I vividly recall that one of the earliest books I had was a picture book on the life of the ‘Commander of the Poor’. And ‘AKG’ provided me with the guts to go ahead with this post……it was almost as if I heard him say “Go ahead, with courage”…..may be in a moment of fever induced frenzy… And I can ask anyone who might laugh at me to go and see the movie. The legendary Communist leader, perhaps the most militant and ferocious of the triumvirate who were the pillars of the Communist movement in Kerala, had publicly cried on quite a few occasions, so says the movie. At one particular instant, in the movie, he even agreed with his wife who had said that those who couldn't cry could not be real comrades.
But…….. Do real men really cry?!
Then I tried to look elsewhere…..to have an answer …..Along came that unparalleled master of Malayalam prose, M.T. and his depiction of another of my childhood heroes. The legendary warrior whose dialogues were the favorites as we fought pitched battles at home, among us brothers during our eventful childhood. The ruthless wrestler, who tore Jarasandha into two, crushed the mighty Keechaka’s bones and destroyed the Kauravas, had cried too, more than once, in the Mahabharata. But I remember this one from ‘Randamoozham’, better. Don’t know how good a translator I am…..it went something like this…
“As I stood alone in that silence of the darkness outside the barracks, for the first time in my life a feeling of immense grief over some one dead began to grow in my mind. I stood alone in the path the two of us used to take together on our return from the battlefield each day. The glow in his eyes as he smiled......the affectionate tone while he addressed me as 'Big Daddy'.........my eyes moistened as I recalled that........but no, the mighty Bhimasenan should not cry.....instead of going to my tent, I walked towards the battlefield .....”
But……. can mighty men afford to cry?!
And then………I had a glimpse at my reading of world history……. Perhaps the most feared and powerful President of the United States' history, the ruthless General who butchered the British soldiers at the Battle of New Orleans, the unwavering giant with the nerves of steel who had so badly beaten up the man who fired at him from point blank range with his cane, prompting his aides to restrain him and rescue and hospitalize prospective assassin, the street fighter who had been wounded so frequently in duels and carried so many bullets in his body that it was said he "rattled like a bag of marbles", when he walked, the orphan boy who fought his way up in life, who was not amused as his rivals wrote in their News Papers that he was the son of a common prostitute brought to the New World by the British soldiers; was reduced to tears as his aides brought the news papers carrying headlines deriding his beloved wife as a convicted adulteress, after he had announced his intention to be a candidate for Presidency.
But……can tough men afford to shed tears in public?!
Then …. a flash from the 20th century history…… can’t recall where I had read that one of the most powerful men ever to walk on the earth's surface, the man whose adopted surname meant ‘man of steel’, had tears in his eyes when bidding good bye to one of his best friends who was leaving Moscow to take over as the Vice President of a newly independent nation……India!
But……can strong men get emotional in public?!
And finally….. from sports, since that’s from where more heroes hail these days….One of the toughest men to face across the net on a tennis court, the man who used to go ahead with his task without the slightest sign of emotion on his face, the man nicknamed ‘Pistol Pete’ for his bullet like serve…..Pete Sampras was about to fire another of those ‘pellets’, when someone in the crowd shouted something like “do it for Tim, Pete”…..and the ball dipped onto his body as he wept like a child for his beloved coach who was flown home earlier in the day after suffering a stroke.
But…..don’t real men always keep their emotions under the lid?!
No, no….real men don’t cry….tears are not for them.........
5 comments:
Don't "real men" belong to Homosapiens category?? aren't them too flesh and blood humans?Afterall they aren't born "real men" without crying.
Men and women are just biological distinctions of humans.They are not classified based on the volume of tears they shed.
And nowadays,even women think twice before shedding a tear drop bcoz they believe today's modern "women of spirit" is not supposed to cry.
I believe, crying is a helping tool in coping with excessive emotions,be it joy or sad.it is a biological aid much like sweating.
Nice post! I say men always cry, but then only the REAL MEN have the guts to cry when someone's watching them! That's when one calls himself a MAN, when he's not afraid to let the world know what his emotions are.....
Real men don't cry ...
... to compensate for their own inaction.
A man would be untrue to himself if he was to contain his natural feelings and emotions. And if he can express his emotions through every other manner - shouts, screams, gestures, physical contact, energetic movements - then, why look at tears as a weakness?
I don't think any man would be true to himself if he was suppressing his emotions. Suppressing emotions is, in a sense, an effort to portray yourself as someone you are not. And I think such an effort would come with consequences.
I think crying especially in the presence of another takes courage. Maybe women do find it easier than men but one must also bear in mind that crying brings with it a feeling of vulnerability and defencelessness, and, it takes guts to stand up unguarded and show your naked emotions to another/others.
Besides, who are the real men?
Answers anyone?
:)
Wonderful piece of writing...
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